I came across a website today that had computer tech support stories that had me rolling on the floor laughing! I thought I would share a few of my favorites here and link to the others at the end of this post.
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One night there was a thunderstorm in the area, and one customer, notorious among the tech support crowd, called:
Customer: “Did you know about the thunderstorm? I heard that I should unplug my computer. Should I do that?”
Tech Support: “In most cases, yes, it is best to at least unplug your phone line. Lightning sometimes causes power surges that can damage your modem.”
Customer: “Can it damage other things as well…like the phone?”
Tech Support: “I’ve never heard of that happening before, but it is a possibility.”
Customer: “So do you think that I should unplug the phone from my computer and from all the phones as well?”
Tech Support: (frustrated) “Couldn’t hurt.”
Customer: “So when can I plug them all back in?”
Tech Support: (really annoyed now) “When the storm is over.”
Customer: “How will I know when it’s safe, though?”
My face lit up like a Christmas tree, and it was all I could do to keep myself breathing evenly.
Tech Support: “I will call you.”
Customer: “Ok! Thank you!”
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In 1989 I worked as a repair tech for a company that made Amiga and Atari modems and hard drives. On one of the Atari computers I used for testing, I added a screen saver that just made a blank screen. One of the female line leads used this particular computer for auditing floppy disks and was unaware that I had added the screen saver. One day when she came over to test a few disks, she asked if I would turn the computer on for her. I told her that it was already on and jokingly told her that there was a loose connection somewhere in the computer, but if you bang on the table by the computer it should fix it long enough for her test (when in reality, it was just bumping the mouse and turning off the screen saver). I even banged on the table to show her. She accepted this and continued to bang on the table whenever she tested some disks, and each time I had to hold in the laugher. I decided to see how long I could get her to believe this. A couple of weeks later she was training someone new to her crew and included the table banging to “activate the loose connection” as part of the training. This went on for a month before I finally decided to tell her what was going on when one day she banged on the table a good ten times trying to activate a computer that was turned off.
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An elderly lady bought a Mac Performa and when she got it home she decieded to give me a call.
Customer: “I opened my computer and set it up and I love it!”
Tech Support: “I’m glad to hear it how can I help you?”
Customer: “Well, I turned it on and can’t seem to get anything to happen.”
Tech Support: “Did you turn the power switch on?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “Is the monitor on?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “What do you see?”
Customer: “The same thing I saw in your store.”
Tech Support: “What is the problem?”
Customer: “I can’t get the arrow to move.”
Tech Support: “Ok, what do you have plugged into the system?”
Customer: “Well, the thing with the letters on it and this foot pedal thing.”
Tech Support: “Is the foot pedal on a chair mat?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Well, you will need to get one before it will work.”
Customer: “Thank you, I’ll do that.”
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- Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton.”
- Tech Support: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that problem.”
I did call him back and helped him fix his problem. He didn’t complain about my response, but he did get members of the department asking for a while afterwards if he’d fixed his “other” problem.
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Customer: “I’m sorry. I think I just deleted the Internet!”
Tech Support: “That’s ok. We have it backed up here on tape somewhere.”
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Customer: “I think I broke the Internet!”
Tech Support: “So it was you!”
Customer: (click)
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My senior year in high school, I spent about half my school day helping the computer teacher and helping to administer the school network. We had a program on the network that would allow you to pull up the screen of another computer and control it remotely. I was bored one day, and so I logged myself in as the administrator and proceeded to “check up” on the students in the computer room to see what they were working on. I found one girl I knew typing a steamy letter and decided to scare her a bit. I started by erasing a few of the characters in her letter. She paused for a minute, but then continued typing, so I did it again. This time, she paused for a longer period and then started backspacing her whole letter. I then wrote “hello” on her screen. After a while she finally responded, and we got a bit of a conversation going.
She asked who this was, and I told her I was stuck in her computer and couldn’t get out. She fell for it and asked how she could help. I told her she needed to lick the computer screen. She said she did. I didn’t believe her, but I continued: I said she needed to stand up and act like a chicken. A minute passed, and she said she did that, too. I didn’t thinks he had, and this time I told her so, but she responded by saying that not only had she done what I asked but had gotten detention for it.
An hour later, I went into the computer room, and the teacher told me that he had had to give a student detention. I asked why, and he said that he was watching her and all of a sudden she licked her computer screen and stood up and acted like a chicken. It was all I could do to keep from laughing.
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I work doing tech support for a company with a large home user client base. It was my last call of the night, and the last thing I wanted was someone with a serious comprehension deficit. That, of course, is exactly what I got.
A lady called up and said she had been waiting for three days for her computer to “resume Windows” (pronounced “res-u-may Windows”).
Customer: “It’s been sayin’ res-u-may Windows for three days. Now what should I do?”
Tech Support: “Have you tried to reboot the computer?”
Customer: “Yeah, it keeps on res-u-may-in’.”
Tech Support: “When you reboot do you see the [company] logo?”
Customer: “Yeah, it’s always there on the TV screen.”
Fifteen minutes later, I figured out that this woman thinks the logo I’m talking about is the monitor brand name on the frame of the monitor, and she has been “rebooting” by turning the monitor off and on again.
I finally got her to reboot properly (a miracle in itself), and then:
Customer: “It says, ‘Last try of hibernatin’ is no good, try again, mash yes or no.’”
Tech Support: “Is that exactly what it says?”
Customer: “Yeah, should I mash ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
Tech Support: “Click on ‘yes,’ please.”
Customer: “I don’t know how to do that. Should I mash it?”
Tech Support: “Yes, [gritting teeth] mash ‘yes.’”
Customer: “Why does it keep on a-doin’ that? Tryin’ to hibernate and all — does it get tired if I use it too much?”
Tech Support: “Well, actually…if it keeps trying to hibernate, that must mean that it is way to cold in the room that you have it in. I suggest that you turn up the heater. That should help.”
Customer: “Really? What if that doesn’t work? Then what should I do?”
Tech Support: “Turn off the computer and–”
Customer: “By mashing the button right?”
Tech Support: “–uh, yeah, mash the button…then unplug it from the wall and wrap it in a few warm blankets for a few days. That always seems to help mine.”
Customer: “Thanks! You’ve been so helpful! I’ll go turn up the heat right now!”
What can I say? I couldn’t resist.
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My sister-in-law, Rhose, sent me an email with a link to this funny video. You will probably remember the songs and may have even tried some of the moves at one time or another. If you are my age, you will really appreciate and remember most of these… - Evolution of Dance
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